This week I had my meeting with my full time employer – New Balance Head Office – to tell them I will not be returning after my Maternity Leave. I loved my job at New Balance and if I have to work full time in an office, there is nowhere else I would rather be. But it has become increasingly clear over the last couple of years that my path is destined for other great things. I have been following my heart & intuition and bit by bit I have been led to use my knowledge, my teaching skills and spiritual mindset through starting my own business – Explore Discover Yoga & PT. Running my own business has also allowed me to work around spending as much time as possible with my little girl, which is a priority.
New Balance was my security blanket. Professionally and financially. It was scary letting go of that and taking the leap and trusting that my business will be enough to support us (along with my husband’s income). I’ve realised though that I’m not truly scared. Not deep down. Deep down, I know what I’m doing is the right thing. For now anyway, and I’m ok with that. The subconscious mind sends up flashing signs of WARNING, FEAR, DOUBT!!! The subconscious mind constantly chatters “Are you sure you should be doing that?” “What if you’re not good enough?” “What if it doesn’t work out?”. It’s natural to have those thoughts and I accept them as Fear is a natural survival instinct and is designed to help us avoid pain and suffering. But the key is mastering that fear. Sometimes when we give in to that fear, it actually leads us away from our calling, in turn ending up shoving us towards the suffering it was trying to avoid in the first place. Sometimes we need to master that fear and jump, trusting that your wings will appear, or at least, that a net will catch you.
Once you start asking the universe how you can serve this world and once you open the channels to your intuition by allowing some stillness into your life and being present in the now, you will be supported and guided every step of the way. It’s easy to get caught up in the dramas of the mind and to stress and worry – and to be honest, I don’t think these moments will ever completely go away – but the more we listen to our thoughts and are aware of what we are attracting into our lives, and the more we accept ourselves and others exactly as we are at that moment, the more we let go of trying to control things that is outside of our control – the easier it is to navigate through all the turmoil. We can’t change what happens to us on the outside but we can control what happens on the inside and we can change the way we react.
It’s ok to be driven and to have goals. For anyone who knows me, they know I am incredibly driven, goal orientated, organised and a major planner – but I’ve learnt not to be so attached to the outcomes. I’ve learnt (or should I say, always learning) to trust that things will work out the way they’re supposed too and when. Even if it means going in a different direction to what I had originally planned. As long as it feels right at that moment.
We’re not meant to navigate this world alone. We don’t have to carry life’s burdens on our shoulders alone. Ask the universe for help. Ask your higher self. Ask your spirit guides. If it’s your belief structure, ask God. Put it out there in whatever way resonates with you. The answers will come. Not necessarily in the way you expect. It may not be a deep voice speaking from the clouds above or flashing neon lights with the answers, but they will come. They may come from your own voice within, an inner knowing emerging. It may come from a suggestion from someone else which creates a lightbulb ‘aha!’ moment. It may be something seemingly negative like losing a job or the end of a relationship which actually turns out to be the perfect turning point for something spectacular to emerge.
If you are afraid of something, listen to your thoughts. Is the fear just self-doubt? Is the fear stemming from past experiences and not actually aimed at the current situation? Is the fear based on something you can’t control? Putting aside legitimate dangerous circumstances, if you answered Yes to these questions then chances are it’s the type of fear you can accept but not give in too. If you’re making a big decision and the best outcome is something that you are passionate about, something that brings you joy, somethings that makes your heart sing, chances are that’s the path you are meant to follow. As soon as something doesn’t feel good more often that it does feel good, that’s a sign that you need to listen too. Somethings got to change. If obstacles keep appearing that seem too hard to conquer, then you need to look at your mindset. Is it your thoughts that are creating these obstacles or is it things outside of your control? Obstacles that are outside of your control are also signs to point you in a different direction, signs that something needs to change for you to keep going forward. If it’s your mind set, then it’s an opportunity to learn and to grow.
That brings me to another quote of Arianna Huffington’s – “Failure is not the opposite of success. It is part of the success”.
There are always the odd exceptions to the rule of course, and my waffles here may not resonate within for you. In that case you can take my words with a grain of salt. But if these words do ring true deep within, then it’s likely you’re already seeing the proof in your life yourself.
My biggest concern about running my own business is not having enough money to pay the bills and to live comfortably with my family. I’m not a complete dreamer, I am practical and logical as well. I’m not just sitting here rubbing my genie lamp expecting it all to happen for me. I am putting all of my knowledge, experience, time and energy into making this work and am trusting that if this what I’m meant to be doing, then it will work. And so far, it certainly is. The business is incredibly successful, especially considering the short time I have been running it! But it’s been a process over a very long time of everything falling into place bit by bit to be where I am today.
My biggest fear is getting caught up in the money side of things. If I didn’t have bills to pay, I wouldn’t charge for my services. Not because I don’t think I’m worth it, but because I want to Give Back, I want to help others, and I truly enjoy what I do and I find it rewarding enough. But unfortunately I must bring in an income. I still have to be business smart. In my industry cancellations are common, and completely understandable, and I don’t want to deny people the freedom of choice. But my fear is that I’ll start looking at my clients/students as my bread and butter. I don’t want to get desperate and only see the dollar signs whenever I gain or lose a client. If that happens, I would have lost sight of what really matters and why I’m doing what I’m doing in the first place.
So to release that Fear, I trust. I trust that if it’s meant to be, it’ll work out. And if it doesn’t seem to ‘work out’ then I trust that another path will appear that also leads to joy. I trust that the universe is holding my hand to direct me on the path of the greatest good. I trust that I am supported and guided with every choice that I make. I trust that if I continue to Give to this world from the bottom of my heart without expectations and judgements, then I will continue to receive everything I need.
We’re meant to be happy. We’re meant to enjoy life. But we get in our own way by letting our endless mish mash of thoughts and our pre-programmed subconscious minds drive instead of our listening to our intuition. It doesn’t have to be so hard all the time. I’m not just saying all this airy fairy stuff out of nowhere. I’ve been through the hells of deep depression and misery. I’ve been to the place where life seemed unliveable. I’ve battled with the demons of unworthiness and constant doubt, worry and fear. I didn’t like myself and I was lost. But over time I’ve managed to re-wire my brain. I’ve managed to heal and grow. But I’m still learning every day. I’m still evolving into a better version of me. It’s never too late to change. If you want too. But remember, you are perfect exactly as you are right now. Accept your thoughts. Accept your Self. Accept your demons and your battle scars. Accept where you are in life and who you are right NOW. Only then are you able to Change. Subtle at first, but it’ll happen. If you want it too.
“Change your thoughts, Change your life” – Wayne Dyer.
“Look after your mind and you look after the world” – Arianna Huffington